we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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