I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
