I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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