my being single is dangerous.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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