This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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