my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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