Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
