How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
