Can i not drive my cunt home
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
