I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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