I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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