There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
