You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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