YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
another moral hangover. fuck.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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