This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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