WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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