I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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