bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
