I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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