My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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