My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
