he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
