dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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