3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i jhust puked up my retainher.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
