he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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