im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I didn't notice because vodka
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
