For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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