i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
