grandma shit on top of the toilet
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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