hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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