I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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