I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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