I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
