she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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