look no pants
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
