weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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