i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
