so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
