Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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