i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
