My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
