I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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