i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Mom said you looked used
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
