The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
