I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
