You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
