so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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