Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
