so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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