it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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