Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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