If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
