I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
