I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
FUCK WHALES
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
