I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
