90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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