I wanna bring you to show and tell
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
