Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
