I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
