Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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