remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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