wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
