if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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