Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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