Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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