I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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