Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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