i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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